Getting The Point Across
A female proponent
of capital punishment
(a Judge, no less)
displayed her penis envy
by offering to administer
the death penalty herself
to anyone who deserved it,
with a sharp needle
and a dull conscience.
Letter Perfect
Are English eccentric?
To find out, remove BRIT
from ABNORMALITY
to make ANOMALY
out of A MOLTY BRAIN
in LAYMAN ORBIT.
Although you seem to grasp
"LIT BY A ROMAN,"
MANY LABOR IT,
and MAINLY ABORT.
The clue is, BAN MORALITY...
now BRIT, LAY MONA!
The Disciple
French Romantic composer
Vincent d'Indy
(pronounced "Dan-DEE")
worshipped his mentor,
the saintly Cesar Franck,
with what might be called
Franck adulation.
D'Indy loved the countryside
so much he dubbed himself
"the French Mountain Heir,"
wrote his master's biography,
and quoted snippets of Franck's
music in his own. In fact,
had he only been American,
we would today be calling him
"Yankee Doodle d'Indy."
The Candidate
Republican Congressman
Mario Biaggi
(a former cop),
running for mayor
of New York City
on a Law and Order platform,
climaxed his campaign
by telling a group
of Harlem democratic voters
(with apparent sincerity)
"Bless your black hearts!"
PS: Yes, this really happened...
PPS: No, he didn't win...
PPPS.: Long live democracy!
Downbeat
Phil Spitalney's
All-Girl Orchestra
played hors staccato
to invigorate his
All-Girl Tap Dancers.
He employed female musicians
at a time when no one else would,
and when even the famed Scots Guards
were barred from bagpiping in kilts.
Likewise, Toscanini's ensemble
included only one woman,
whom the maestro wound up calling
"Helga the Harpie."
Now don't you think someone
conducted himself badly?
Strategic Reserve
It's true, what horsemen say:
What's far removed can't hurt us;
the way we fend away
from hearth will never desert us;
the wife we never marry
will never sue for divorce.
At moments, though, one notes,
Old Dobbin leaves behind
the treadmill, strewn with oats,
that housed his daily grind
to risk another gambol
around love's trysting course.
But often, what's begun
as frolic or excursion
becomes, all said and done,
more duty than diversion:
his chaps began to lather,
his withers froth and foam...
The firm and sturdy flanks
that balked at hauling wagons
succumb like spindleshanks
when bowed by many flagons;
the Whirlaway that was
now draws Milady's brougham.
The Failure
Ambition climbs like a spire,
then crumples like a cake;
exhorts that trodden to rise higher,
but soon is burnt at stake.
It dissipates like hoarfrost rind
when sun gleams overhead,
but everywhere it leaves behind
the glitter of its tread.